alex456123
Well-Known Member
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of
the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I
made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex
movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions
for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could just feel something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,
not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I
remembered, ****, McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair
last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I
told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have
two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to
this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometime go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow
the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I
made it home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex
movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions
for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
I woke up this morning at 8, and could just feel something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor,
not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I
remembered, ****, McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair
last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I
told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister."
"That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have
two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to
this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometime go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow
